Diary of Halfdreams
by Drauph
Summary: Harry Potter struggles to live a relatively normal life after defeating the Dark Lord. But these dreams begin taking over his life...those hands upon his skin blurring the line between reality and imagery...making it harder and harder to awaken... Harry-?
1. Prologue First Black out : March 7 2009

**Setting: **Takes place after the students leave Hogwarts. Harry is in his second year of university studying ot become an auror. He tries very hard to work for his things instead of accepting whatever others might give in exchange for having 'saved the world' . He works as an editor for a magazine in the muggle side of a gate, much like The Leaky Cauldron. This gateway is called Cafe Lune and is sought over by Weres, or shapeshifters.

The story takes place around these dreams that Harry starts having, in which he is caught between reality and imagery, blurring the line between them and making them near imposible to separate. In an attempt to confirm whether what he is seiing and feeling is real or not, his friend gives him a magical diary in which to record his dreams and hopefully bring him closer to discoveing the identity of the person that keeps taking over his dreams...

**-Prologue-**

** +First black out:**

** March 7 2009**

He walked alone, the city lights faded as his vision focused on things that only existed in his mind. A shuffle, an inhaled breath...steps rushing behind him tapping away at the pavement and then...

Nothing.

Slowly, as if floating to the surface of a very deep pool he regained consciousness. He breathed in smells that were strange to him, and everything was just too dark. No matter how hard he pushed, his eyes would not open. He shut them even tighter and tried to rub them open. It was then he realized he could not move his hands. Frowning in confusion he squirmed, realizing he was lying on his back, his hands at the sides of his head...bound tightly. His eyes were covered by some cloth, his back hurting against a hard surface. He tapped into his aura and let it seep out of his being, searching for anything around him that felt familiar.

His aura only expanded a few feet, revealing a hard, elaborate marble table beneath him and nothing more. No matter how much he forced it his aura would go no further, as if smothered by some great pressure it quickly dissolved the farther he tried to push it, it was then his bindings tightened. Wrenching his wrists and causing an illicit cry to tear from his lips. He felt his aura slowly suppressed into his body and he tensed, arching his body upward, pushing himself off the table surface with his legs. He twisted his body in the air, desperately trying to find a way to change his position...when he felt an outburst of warmth upon his cheek.

The shock didn't let him feel the pain until moments later and when it did come it was terrible and jarred him to the bone. Someone had just hit him, whether with a fist or an object, it did not matter, it was incredibly painful and before he struggled anymore the binds began to wrap themselves around his forearms, pulling him down into submission. In those brief minutes of struggle he'd worked up a sweat and his hair was sticking to the back of his neck and parts of his forehead.

Panting through his teeth, clenched in quiet anger, he tried to calm down enough to focus. He'd be able to cut the bindings and then confront his attacker if he gathered his wits.

**_-Don't even try... they are unbreakable...-_**

A voice spoke in his mind through occlumency...he had not noticed the presence before this...impossible. He stood still and pushed everything away from his mind, he detected the presence an instant before it pulled away, he'd had no power over it. He grit his teeth even harder and let himself lay flat upon the cold hard surface of the table in hopes to calm his breath...and then he gasped, a ragged sharp sound of utter surprise.

An unexpected warmth had taken hold of his hand, it was nothing like what he'd been expecting, it had been an utterly random event that shattered the tension he'd been building. He'd been on edge and so alert that it had made him jump in surprise yet he froze for a moment not knowing what was going on for a second; before he realized that his fingers were being toyed with inside someone's mouth.

-Yaugh! Uh-Uhg- ge-GET THE HELL AWAY FROM M-Mghf-oughmph!-

A cold, soft hand clamped over his mouth and suddenly he felt a soft caress upon his fingertips that sent a current spiraling down his entire skin setting it on fire and giving him goose bumps. His fingertip felt cold as the warm lips upon them left them momentarily before something hard sunk in beside them. Upon the flesh that protruded under his little finger, smooth, hard teeth sunk in, running across his flesh as the jaws clamped shut next to his hand. He shivered, from disgust or surprise, it was hard to tell.

The lips ran down the outer edge of his hand, as he tensed his fingers, clawing the air in a vain attempt to hold on to something. Stopping at his wrist, a quick, soft kiss was the only pause as the stranger's lips ran all the way down to the crook of his arm. He tensed an arched his elbow up, at least tried to, his arm was slightly bent a little farther open and suddenly he felt something intruding the space between his lower and upper arm. A slick tongue licked the crook of his arm slightly before biting the skin a little below his tensed bicep.

He screamed angrily into the hand that held his lips tight and he began to shake his body violently as he started to feel more and more powerless as the eternal seconds ticked away. A swishing sound broke the silence where once before only his ragged breath intruded and a smooth piece of fabric shut his mouth tightly. His breath became more and more ragged as he began to feel like he didn't have a way out.

**_-...Don't...Do not be afraid...-_**

A single finger pressed softly upon his lips, he squirmed a bit more and a few minutes later he stood still, in seeming acceptance yet in reality submerged in careful planning, waiting for the perfect moment to attack. The hand slipped away once he calmed down, yet as he shifted slightly he could not help but panic as he heard the steps of the other person walking around him...a cat playing with its prey. The steps stopped right behind him: the person was looming over his head.

He felt something warm and aromatic hit his face, something slightly salty yet very sweet smelling. He shivered as the warmth melted over his face again, realizing with horror it was the person's breath. He thought about every possible outcome and somehow it all didn't look too good, he kept feeling weaker by the second, his thoughts muddled and becoming less and less frequent. The bindings tightened around his arms before they loosened, now only holding his wrists and he squirmed slowly and groggily as if waking from deep sleep. A horrifying thought tried to fight its way to the surface yet it lacked coherence and he faded away, entering the place between asleep and awake.

_**-****Stay with me, just for tonight...Harry..................****I will make you mine...****.-**_

**To be continued...**


	2. First Black out, part two: Marble

**First Blackout, Part Two:**

**Marble**

Cold marble against his back, shivering with cold from the sweat that covered his body, it made his back feel slick and freezing against the hard surface. A thump and a feeling of something colliding softly with the cold stone surface, it made him uneasy, like the person that had imprisoned him was tapping their hands on the table. It irritated him, as he tried to keep calm he couldn't help but shift his body into a more comfortable position...then something brushed his thigh. Disturbed he tried to move away, to his right and met another thing touching him.

-What the hell's going on?!- He thought desperately, his thoughts briefly cleared by anger and surprise.

Yet he wasn't able to figure out what was going on, until much later. Before he did figure it out though, the person that had so carefully planned this 'kidnapping' began to have their way with him and his exhausted mind that strained itself beyond its limits to overcome the difficult situation before it. Two hands touched his cheeks lightly and he moved his head away weakly, those cold fingers then slid, slowly down the side of his neck he'd left exposed. Slowly passing down to where his collarbone was, stroking lightly over the clothes, as if stroking a flower admiringly, no desire to take it, only delicate admiration.

His head lolled sullenly as he tried to force it upright, a hand held his face and turned it softly to face forward. Harry tried to clench his teeth yet he didn't have the strength, his mouth slowly opened, agape lips treading out his slow breaths as if they were inexistent through the fabric. The hand, still upon his face shifted and he felt its thumb stroke his bottom lip briefly and it tickled. Two things touched the sides of his thighs and suddenly something seemed to loom over his torso as he felt the hands take place at the sides of his head and something brushing his shirt lightly.

He began to have the feeling that the person was going to hex him, stab him on the chest or something when he felt a weight overwhelm him, pressing upon his body from his chest to his thighs, he'd never felt that before...It felt like...like...

Something heavy shifted upon his lower stomach, a rustle of fabric breaking the resonant silence that had taken over the room since he'd stayed still. Whatever it was it was almost pressing between his legs and he didn't particularly like the prospect of being hit there, of all places. As the slight weight shifted he felt the tell-tale warmth upon his face, knowing that the person was looming over his head he couldn't hold back a shiver, yet that would pale in comparison to the feeling of incredible realization that followed. The weight pressed against him and he could have screamed...when he realized that whoever it was, they were lying on top of him.

Slowly, all too slowly the pieces began to fall into place, he was being held captive by some sort of crazy fan-girl that just wanted to rape him or something, take weird pictures and then sell them...who the hell cares! On the good side he had the impression his life wasn't in any real danger now, which was a relief...though the same safety could not be guaranteed for his virginity. A low whimpering groan left his throat instead of a surprised scream; strangely enough the crazy fan girl took the soft fabric off of his mouth and brushed a fingertip lightly across his bottom lip before tapping it, almost teasingly, making Harry jump a little with surprise.

A light amused chuckle came from above him and the weight seemed to shift, no longer upon his chest, he assumed the girl was sitting over him and just staring at his face. He clamped his mouth shut and grit his teeth in anger. Another chuckle, this was getting annoying, yet the anger helped clear his head, if only he could gather enough aura to cut the bindings he'd be able to go free. His body shivered with shock as two hands were slid into his. Intertwining their fingers with his, pressing the back of his hands against the marble in a strangely gentle manner. He was officially completely weirded-out... The other's body weighed more heavily above him and pressed his lower body harder against the table.

He couldn't help but gasp in shock, he felt his cheeks blush stupidly as he realized the other had just kissed his cheek, in a very sweet way...it actually felt nice...ignoring the fact he'd been kidnapped, tied to a table and currently straddled by some crazy fan...yeah, it'd been kinda sweet...BUT it was still creepy...crazy raping fans... He could feel the breath of the person still upon his cheek as if they'd just stood still after the kiss, then as the person inhaled he realized they were pulling in his smell...oookay...this was getting weirder by the second... WHAT THE F***!!!

-Nnnhgg...gyah!- He gasped, well actually half whimpered considering he was kind of on a trip; as the other's lips stroked along his cheeks and slowly brushed their way around over his skin, down to his neck. A muffled sound came from the person above him as they inhaled his scent and kissed his neck. Harry blushed and tried to move his head away yet it only caused it to loll to the side, limp from lack of strength, exposing his neck again. Yet another chuckle and the person let their soft lips brush up and down his neck, making him shiver copiously. Another kiss, this time on the spot between his neck and his collarbone, he made a little sound, half complain half uneasiness.

The other held his hand softly and stroked it with their thumb, leaning in for a kiss and many more that slowly led toward the place where his collarbones met. Letting go of one of his hands, the stranger stroked his forehead and pushed his head back; brushing their warm lips tracing a line from the base of his collarbone to the top of his chin where they deposited a kiss. A sound came from the depths of Harry's throat, unwillingly, a groan that didn't necessarily sound awfully pained. The stranger chuckled and Harry realized he f****** hated that sound, when suddenly he was given a playful bite on the chin.

The kisses and bites continued for a while, Harry slowly realizing that something was changing about the stranger, they were getting more and more confident until it began to get a little bit too...weird. Sitting on his stomach, the kidnapper placed both their hands upon his chest, stroking it with calmness and playfulness equally. Then they paused at the same spot, the meeting of his collarbones; then hey did something that left Harry wondering how 'sorry' he really was that they had kidnapped him. From his collarbones the hands spread simultaneously and caressed his skin upwards and sideways and seeped in to the sides of his neck in a single movement. Snaking all the way to the back of his head and pulling it up, he suddenly felt skin against his forehead and the other's breath upon his face. He realized the person had placed their forehead against his, facing him tenderly, as if nothing else mattered in the world.

For the first time in a long time Harry felt loved, he just stood still and let the feeling seep all over him until he could no longer remember anything else. His moment was cut short as the person backed away and kissed him on the forehead, making him blush. He decided to let go a little and see what happened, he had enough energy to cut the binds now...probably...anyway he felt...quite safe now.

After that though things just kind of started to get a little bit weird...er. The stranger kissed his cheeks, stroked his hair, played with his hands, kissed his nose...which was awfully cute...yet he felt like a big plush toy or something. That is until his neck went from being kissed to being lightly bitten and eventually licked...that's when he realized it was time to go. He gathered his aura fast and shot it clean through the bindings simultaneously...HE WAS FREE!!! .................................

......and then he heard that damn chuckle....and realized the bindings were, if anything, tighter than before... A hand took his, the other held his cheek, and pulled his head aside, the stranger bit the skin above his collarbone, between his shoulder and his neck, hard enough to make him bleed. Harry groaned in pain and then another chuckle followed, this time the warm breath buffeting his lips and the stranger closed in on his open lips...slowly and deliberately.

**To be continued...**

**Hope you guys enjoyed that. Things are not gonna get too hot, but instead they will get more mysterious, the story progresses quite fast, so if anyone wants to guess at the identity of the kidnapper, you are more than welcome. Right now I already have an idea of who it will be, but if anybody wants to suggest which character they'd like to hook up with Harry-kun, I'm open for suggestions. Take care and thank you for reading! LUVZ from Drauph!**


	3. FirstBlackout,part three: Blood and Dark

**First Blackout, Part Three:**

**Blood and Darkness**

The warm blood trickled down, to the back of his neck and onto the table; he could feel the fabric of his gray shirt sticking to his skin, soaked. A hand pressed its palm against his neck, a cold bluish aura wafting against his skin gently, yet it left him suddenly and somehow he started to feel empty without it and the comfort it provided. Something hard poked his wound and he grit his teeth, ignoring the fact the stanger's breath had long pulled away from his face.

The pain suddenly subsided as his wound was quickly healed with a simple wordless spell. Harry was fuming and somehow the anger cleared his head a little. He suddenly pushed himself off the table as hard as he could and twisted his legs from side to side in an attempt to dislodge from his body the stranger that loomed over him. No such luck; the person straddled them as if he were a bucking horse and pushed them down by the chest. In time he tired, yet the person seemed quite calm as they held his back onto the marble with their hands on his chest.

Abated and tired Harry stopped to catch his breath again and to make a new plan...there was no way he'd let this go any longer. He gathered his aura into the center of his being, it almost felt like using a port-key, as all the his life energy began to gather to somewhere close to his navel, closer still to the second chakra point that was so easy to channel power into. Little did he notice the soft hands sneaking to the side of his neck; a fingertip dipped itself onto the blood on the table and with it they traced lines upon the young man's forehead, brushing the lightning shaped scar softly as it passed.

Once the finger lifted from his skin, Harry felt his aura dissipate, as if it were merely smoke. It breathed itself out through his pores and into the air around him, leaving him weakened and dazed. The hand cupped his cheek for a moment before it tapped it lightly, not a greeting a consideration. He shut his green eyes even harder behind the fabric as he braced himself for the pain...that strangely enough never came. The weight above him shifted again and he found soft lips pressed upon his forehead...he gasped...and found he couldn't really breathe. Desperate he struggled and tried...again and again, as his life slowly ebbed away.

Gaping widely, choking from lack of oxygen he felt the binds around his wrists loosen, yet he no longer had the strength to move, nor to struggle. He lay there, cold from trying, numb from hurting on the inside...unable to breathe...and as he faded away the last thing he heard...was that damned chuckle...

**-Until we meet again...Harry Potter-**

*******

Gasping as if he had just broken the surface of deep water, grasping blindly all around him...choking. He didn't remember feeling so dazed by lack of air in his life, besides the time he used the gillyweed when he was in fourth. Gasping feebly struggling in a tangle of his own body and fabric he fell hard, making the wooden floors creak underneath him in protest. Steps tapped rapidly against the floor with inhuman speed, sounding like fingers tapping upon a surface in exasperation. The door burst open, sending magic wards and splinter alike flying as the old thing hung from its broken hinges swinging sullenly.

Silhouetted in the light of the hall way a figure barged into the room, not quite human yet, still midway, something that quickly took definition as it knelt on the floor. A gesture and the blankets disappeared, leaving the boy's body squirming on the floor, writhing as if trying to escape from an enemy only he could see. The woman promptly forced him into unraveling his limbs in order to see his face. She then pulled her hand back and slapped his face, the sharp sound more painful in the silence than the impact itself.

Harry's eyes snapped right open, he rubbed his eyes with one hand and then stood completely still for an instant, his eyes lost somewhere far off. Then he stared at his hands, turned them this way and that, the woman felt his aura seep out of his body, a shy thing, not what was usual for him. He pulled his aura back in and finally looked up at her. Her fire-red hair bright even in this darkness. He threw himself in her arms and sighed...he was finally safe.

***

-See ya later Li!- with that he walked out into the soft morning light, as the shop's door jingled when he pushed past it. His voice sounded so perfectly normal, perfectly scripted. The woman raised a red eyebrow at him yet he pretended not to notice and headed off for another day in college. She began yet another day in her immortal life, in the gateway of eternal life and festivities, Café Lune.

Through many shifting doorways and confusing hallways that seemed to always be moving, a room lay bathed in smokes and strange smells a majestic figure sat upon a murky red couch. Dark shades covered her eyes, even though in this darkness the sunlight didn't dare reach. Bathed in murky lights diluted by the curtains that seemed to flutter around her without a breeze. Melancholic at first glance, powerful upon closer inspection, a figure cast in deep shades of chocolate, as dark as a forgotten corner, as infinite as a hole within a memory.

A trail of smoke slithered out from her full bruise colored lips, agape in selfless wonder, the breath leaving her lungs with ease only those in control can afford. Her face aged beautifully, like a worn painting that time managed to make look more artistic. Voluptuous curves embellished in wine and ochre colors, a pipe in her hand...

that was Aga.

The chieftain, the head-honcho, the mafia boss, a leader through and through. Sitting there sideways on her huge chair, everything about her commanded attention, her every gesture filled with strength, inspiring as much fear as it did respect. She laughed as she saw in her mind's eye Harry leaving the café, when would he admit his weakness of the heart? The world no longer needed him to be strong, he needed to stop being strong for everyone but himself. Yet the kid was young and time walks slowly when you know yours has no end.

***

Firenze walked around the trees, the light morning breeze fluttering his hair, as light as butterfly's wings. His shape fading in and out of view between the trees, a whisper that was impossible to perceive within the cover of the morning mist.

-Sir, may I interest you in some candy? or perhaps you'd prefer some hot chocolate?-

The elderly looking man, offered his goods by the side of the street that kept becoming more and more crowded, his gentle smile took to the centaur's heart and he nodded gently. His long locks covered his face, even though he always tried to tie it into submission, he reached for his wallet yet it was empty and the change pocket was full of wizard money. The merchant noticed his discomfort and smiled softly.

-Don't worry son...you can just pay a sickle and I'll let you off the hook...-

His blue eyes widened a little and his nostrils flared like they always did when he was either afraid or uncomfortable. The old man winked mischievously; suddenly he seemed much younger, his little face lit up by playfulness as he accepted the young man's coin. He handed him an arrangement of berries and a bran cake with fresh fruits for filling, a crêpe like dessert. The young looking centaur, walked off to the café, still a little stunned. How many humans knew of the existence of magic?...how many actually confirmed their beliefs before falling into madness?...

He entered the café lost in thought, holding the little transparent plastic box that contained his snack. A hard body knocked against his, he reached out immediately the bell of the doorway still ringing above his head. He held a slight body against his, propping it up from its imminent fall; his chin tickling in a sea of auburn hairs.

Big yellow eyes framed by thick reddish lashes, mouth agape in surprise, a young woman leaned against him to keep from falling. As she registered who he was her skin blushed, spreading color from her cheeks to the rest of her oval face. A normal young woman it seemed, except for those like him with a refined sense of smell. He could distinctly smell the woodland scent drifting from her skin, the sure sign that she was his kin.

He helped her on her way as she mumbled something intelligible and disappeared into the depths of the café where she lived along with the other few residents of the café. He stared at his reflection from the corner of his eye, even now he did not get used to his appearance, as a human he seemed graceful, yet he always felt a little uncomfortable with his form, especially when it kept drawing unwanted attention from the human females. Oblivious to it all he kept thinking they were staring at his body as his torso stretched into the body of a stallion. Yet that was never the case...not when you were the user of one of Aga's charms...

A plastic container hovered in front of his face, interrupting his train of thought. Across the room his friend stared at him meaningfully as a red-headed woman passed him by on her way to attend to another table. An exotic black haired man with serious black eyes, another of the _were_ race that resided in the café and his best friend. Atreyu nodded at him, a thousand words seeming to overflow between the only two who could understand them. Firenze took his breakfast/ snack and lost himself in the labyrinth that was the insides of the café, wandering aimlessly and thinking of nothing in particular, his feelings in an uncharacteristic turmoil that would deprive him of his sleep that night.

***

It was late, yet the café was as lively as ever, magical creatures and wizards alike, enjoying the liveliness of this night and of every night that would follow at Café Lune. He walked around the crowd in an attempt to remain unseen, which of course failed. After the compliments were received absentmindedly his exhausted body lead the way into his room. He heard light steps approaching fast along the hallway, he fumbled a little with his aura, trying to keep it in control in order to remove the wards that kept his abode sealed. The person was behind him now and he ignored them completely...that is until he heard that chuckle...and felt a warm exhale against his ear....

**To be continued...**


	4. Three months later : Smoke and mirrors

**Three months later:**

**Smoke and mirrors**

Harry awoke with a gasp, sitting on his bed upright and looking around in fear. There was nothing there...it was just another dream. Yet...he didn't remember lying on the bed that night. He'd stayed out longer than usual...still thinking about the past night. When he'd come back the café had been full, Friday night. In the crowd nobody saw him and he easily passed unnoticed through the throngs of young wizards, Were and other magical creatures. He'd headed to his room and then...that voice! Or was that part of the dream? He started realizing with horror that he couldn't tell the difference... He couldn't remember going to sleep before now...How many of the past events were dreams?

A sound broke his thoughts from circling around yet again. He looked at his watch...it was three in the morning...who?...There was no way...It couldn't be...

-Open up scar-head. I just came to check on you.-

Harry opened the door with a sigh of relief. There she was. Lita was a Were, like all the waiters at the café. But more importantly she was his waiter; all the Were only spoke to certain humans and Lita was the only one that had ever spoken to him when he entered the café for the first time. When the owner of the café offered him a room he was elated, the next day all the other Were began to talk to him. Yet since those first weeks Lita and him bonded; before he even moved in they were already the best of friends. Even if her and Ginny always seemed to clash, he had to admit she was so special to him he wouldn't trade her friendship for anything. They were...connected.

Just like the other Were in the café, she wasn't picky about who they talked to but they rarely bonded with anybody as much as Harry and Lita had, she probably understood him better than he understood himself. She had been sleeping outside his bedroom ever since he had the...dream, if it could be called that. He explained everything to her and she had helped him map out his options. Tonight he began to tell her what was troubling him as usual and she just looked at him holding in her laughter before bursting out and laughing in his face.

-You idiot! You fell asleep before you even reached the hallway. This is like, what? the fifth time? The café shifted places and instead of changing directions you kept walking like nothing had happened. You ended up in the basements, sat down to rest and fell asleep on one of the benches! Atreyu found you and brought you over to my side of the building, dope!-

-Really?- He asked scratching his cheek awkwardly. He wouldn't admit it but the relief was evident in his voice.

-Yeah, you know nothing goes on inside here without the Lady seeing it; and trust me she saw the whole thing. It was a real task getting her to stop laughing before I came here just now.-

Harry blushed with embarrassment feeling like a child. Lita talked with him until he started feeling more relaxed. Finally it was time for her to leave, yet he stalled a little while, he really liked her presence it made him feel...stronger. They talked about his relationship with Ginny, his studies in college and his muggle day job as an editor for a science magazine. Then of course the conversation fell back, as it always did to his latest 'dream'. It had been almost a month since the first time he'd been...tied to that table. Yet that hadn't been the last, only the first of many.

Every now and then he would be there again, tied, and blindfolded, unable to use his magic...at their mercy. It was completely maddening, more so for the fact that it always seemed to happen when he was exhausted, yet whenever it happened there was no one around. He couldn't be really sure if he was dreaming all these things...or if worse...they were really happening. There was nothing to prove either theory, he always awoke on his bed but he remembered the moments before going to sleep more and more scarcely. One minute he was tied to a table, the next he was in his bed...like it was all just a bad dream...slowly the thoughts melted into each other...and reality became a word whose definition wasn't always absolute.

The café was watched by the Lady 24/7 yet...she couldn't watch him all the time. Strangely enough the Were Lady hadn't seen him going to bed in any of those occasions. One minute his bedroom was empty, the next he was there, in deep sleep...only to awake not really knowing what was real and what was just lingering imagery. Days of experimenting with magic and Were charms had brought him no closer to finding the cause or confirming these 'dreams'. But of course his best friend had to have a theory that of course his _other_ red-headed best friend agreed with.

-You know what Harry?-

He looked her way apprehensively, he knew that tone well enough to know she was going to make fun of him but still he liked to listen to what she'd come up with this time. Of course so did Ron, even now that he and Hermione were quite steady as a couple he had to look at Lita with that dumb grin on his face, Harry was probably the only living male to appear unaffected by her...charm.

-I think those hallucinations are merely the result of a deeply embedded need and repressed desires.-

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, appalled at her best imitation of a psychiatrist.

- It seems to me that you just don't have the guts to admit that deep down inside...you just really want a good whipping-

Ron burst out laughing and she looked at them both with contempt and pity solely reserved for the neediest of mental patients. Harry shook his head and couldn't help but smile at her stunning ability to take his thoughts away from his most self-damaging intentions. He turned to get another piece of carrot cake from the table and jumped when he felt her smack his butt quite loudly. Ron looked at her and then at him wide eyed while Harry just laughed and covered his butt, as if to protect it from a laughing Lita. Ron always asked him if they were more than friends and Harry always hesitated, giving him a lot to talk about later on. Yet truth be told they really were more than friends...just not in the way Ronald thought.

That was the night they'd decided to give him a present. Made by Lita and enchanted by Hermione and Ron(mostly Hermione, for obvious reasons); they gave him a Dreamscape Diary. It worked a lot like a pensieve yet in a way it was simpler...if not more unreliable. He would breathe a part of his aura into it when he awoke and the strongest impressions would be recorded in the pages like a narrative. It helped analyze all that was happening, he could even view his dreams in it, if there had been anything to see in those dreams. Yet curiously enough the diary didn't seem to work properly with these 'dreams'. All the events were narrated through Harry and told what he was feeling and his reactions...yet the other person...it was as if they didn't exist.

Aga had given him a Were charm to put on his door, besides that it was a powerful ward, it made it so that no one could enter the bedroom without Harry knowing. Yet that didn't help him reveal the identity of the person that kept haunting him. It was as if there was no proof of their existence, whether in dreams or in reality...that stranger didn't exist...but to Harry...

The dreams were more and more frequent. Harry kept searching in vain, the stranger left no trace. Their hands on his body kept getting more and more confident, the person never spoke, only told him things through their aura yet even that seemed out of reach, unidentifiable and like everything about them: invisible, unattainable...unreal.

_My neck, they're breathing so soft yet I'm already panting...pathetic. Touching my chest...no one has ever touched me that way...I can't really tell if its wanting or admiration...or hatred. Are they trying to make me feel useless? powerless? Are they trying to...to please me? Or is this their pleasure? AHHH! Their nose is...rubbing against my ear...they're breathing softly. My lips are tight with anger, and partly because I don't want them to kiss me. I wonder what would I tell Ginny about this...she still doesn't know a thing...maybe she wouldn't understand..._

_They paused, awareness is flashing in them...I think that it just realized I'm thinking about something. Sensing my troubled thoughts...maybe worry or just curiosity, they've stopped moving. Sitting atop my...lower stomach, almost 'there' but not quite. Just sitting...hands still on my chest. I feel as if my thoughts are so loud...almost audible, barely visible upon my face...Leaning down. If I could figure you out...Not too heavy yet their full weight's not atop me, I can tell. ARGGGHHH! AHHH! Again...it hurts more than what I thought...Or maybe I'm just more sensible, I can't see it coming and...maybe the pain is the result of surprise...Still...every morning I look at my neck and see nothing...yet I can still feel those teeth sinking in..._

_My shirt, they're ripping it apart...she is ripping it apart, though I haven't confirmed it, it must be a girl...because men can't keep their weight like that on their hips...I think...I've never felt their body...and I don't want to...this isn't my choice..._

_I feel so pathetic...'her' hands rip my shirt off, short fingernails scrape my skin and it stings. Wildly as if it were ripping the skin off of something. The violence of it scares me a little. It isn't the same being attacked with magic, even a curse wouldn't feel this way...this violent...Stroking my skin...I can't help it, my stomach tingles a little but I can't tell if its fear, adrenaline...or..or just anticipation, tension 'cause I don't really know what's going to happen...Soft caresses...kisses, it is painful in a way...I don't really know what to think...my chest feels empty as I think of Ginny...I love her...I feel like I'm being unfaithful... it's only a dream yet I feel so...wrong...My body arches and I hate myself as their tongue traces wild lines without rhythm on my chest...No one has ever done that to me...no one has ever touched me...not like that..._

_I think that if it was someone I liked...if I consented it...it would be pleasurable...I think...But they're so angry, yet so loving...I don't know you...I want to see...WHO ARE YOU?...The question seems to scream inside me...my heart clenches in anger...at you...at myself...because I'm started to get used to it...and I hate you...If I knew...if you were real, what would I do?...hate you?... Probably...like you__?_

_...maybe... _

Harry slammed the book shut and the door opened. It had been three months since the first time she came through that door during the night, only this time she hadn't shattered the door, this time he wasn't dreaming...this time he wasn't choking. She sat on the edge of the bed carefully and then making a face she stuck her hand out. For the first time he hesitated and she picked up on it faster than he could explain.

-You know I only want to help. Even if you don't show me it doesn't change the fact that I'm gonna try an' help you.-

She placed her hand on his shoulder and pulled him into a hug that squeezed the air out of him. He smiled and handed her the diary, his gaze intense and nervous. She looked at him concerned and handed him back the leather bound book.

-Show me whenever you are ready to face yourself, not me...No matter how brave you may be, little man; you'll still have to face yourself sometime...Maybe then you can face the world as you are...and not with that little façade... Good night Harry...-

He stared after her...still afraid to admit...he knew exactly what she meant by that...

He stared at the book one last time, then placed it beneath his pillow and went back to sleep. So of course he couldn't see the figure that stood in the street, staring at his window. No one else would see it anymore either, because it disappeared in an instant, just another shadow in the street; there in a flash and lost before the image of it even crossed your memory.

**To be continued...**


	5. 4 months later: Between asleep and awake

**Four and a half months after the first blackout:**

**Between asleep and awake **

_Biting, kissing...sensual and slick, their tongue against my hip bone. I'm quivering, trembling in ways I don't ever remember doing. My lips are as clenched as ever and my head is getting muggy...I'm not breathing well...my cheeks...my face is burning ..It's harder to breathe, like the air is…thicker...I don't know...I feel my breath...it's becoming faster...I can't control it anymore...I hate this...I hate feeling so powerless...Meditating didn't help...I don't wanna disappoint Lita...but I can't do this anymore...I...they stopped...maybe they can feel my distress, it practically oozes out of me...their lips are gentle...brushing my cheeks and kissing my eyes over the fabric...my lips are still sealed tight...Even though they've never tried to kiss me...what do they want?...Do __**I**__ want this? Is it just my mind that keeps making...these delusions? _

_They kiss my cheek softly after a long pause I feel them kiss my forehead...Ang I feel strangely comforted...maybe it is me doing this…I'm sweating so much, I feel like I'm suffocating…I open my mouthj a bit and breathe shallowly…..I try to concentrate on waking up...but I don't feel any different... ...my neck...Their lips are…somehow I can't help but think...It doesn't feel this way when Ginny kissed my neck...immediately I hate myself for it...I gather my aura and the person tenses, probably expecting another one of my attempts at freedom. Yet I use it to cause as much pain as I can. The damage doesn't hurt nearly as much as my shame..._

_Their hands hold my face...and I feel strangely comforted...I gather another bout of aura...this one stronger than the first, aimed at my chest...Their aura suffocates me...and the bindings on my wrist tighten...My aura is redirected and lost somewhere inside the things that hold my wrists...I feel like a child...I'm so...frustrated!...I hate this! I'M SO FUCKING CONFUSED! It feels...so disgusting! I hate it...It makes me feel comfortable...I am no one here... and the emptiness is comfortable...preferable to the overwhelming effect other people have on me...Here it doesn't matter...because there's nothing I __**can**__ do...I don't have to make any choices...I'm not responsible for anything...whatever happens...it won't be my fault for one...Here I am nothing and I feel like I have everything...I...What the hell is wrong with me?...I don't want this...I hate it!...I..._

_Holding me, like an embrace..only gentler...I can't feel their body against me...another kiss on my forehead...They lick my cheek lightly...and I realize suddenly that my skin is already wet...their lips are taking one by one...the tears that escaped from behind the blindfold...and my mouth finally opens but all I do...is scream... _

She's already here when I wake up. She holds me tight and of course she asks nothing. I lean against her and for a minute everything feels okay. I pull the diary out; she turns around and starts summoning a snack, giving me some privacy. I breathe into its pages and wipe away a stray tear, even though I know she probably already noticed it. The words appear on the page and I can't bear to read them until the end. As I close the book something catches my eye. A dark blot forms on the page where the words should be. The words begin to show on the page alongside it but I can't see them. There is an image taking shape, blurry but clearer by the second. I call Lita and she sits with me, it's taking longer than it's supposed to and she tells me not to get my hopes up. She tells me this was probably the 'Half dream'. She explains when she sees the idiot face I make at this. Half Dream is the point when the conscious mind is awakening...more precisely and simply stated it is the point between asleep and awake...When you're awake but you still remember dreaming.

The image is just a blur. Lita has better eyes than me, she can tell what it is, she says it is the silhouette of someone taking a piece of fabric off my eyes.

Firenze lifted his eyes from his book, Harry Potter greeted him before heading off to college. He was embarrassed by how surprised the human seemed at his current appearance. The centaur ate in silence and was joined by his friend Atreyu, who after making the tables clean themselves with a sweep of his hand sat across from him.

-Your friend is worried about you. The one bonded to Kilaly. She figures the others from your kin will find you guys soon enough...she is...not just a centaur is she?-

Firenze closed the book and shook his head slightly. –Her real name is Calidia.-

-Heulwin Calidia?...the princess?-

The blonde frowned at the word and merely nodded. Atreyu could see the worry in the slight lines of his forehead but chose not to comment. Firenze, like him, wasn't one to admit weakness, instead they chose to work on it quietly, until they are able to overcome it; he understood. Yet this wasn't just another obstacle, there was something more... He simply waited.

-I'm worried that she will be hurt- he admitted lowering his ice-blue eyes to his food.

-They can't get to her here- he stated plainly.

-...not them...by me- Firenze all but whispered.

Atreyu frowned, it was more than obvious that the other centaur was smitten with Firenze, yet it was still unclear whether he felt the same. _"Firenze can change his intentions with as easily as I can change shape"_ thought Atreyu. He placed his hand upon his friend's shoulder and before leaving his side, he summoned a fruit dessert. Then disappeared down a long winding hallway to do his rounds around the basements. Firenze thanked him in a low voice, only to realize the Were was already long gone. With an absent look in his eyes he ate yet another snack, thinking about the centaur maiden, and what would her fate hold.

In her chambers, Calidia tightened the charm around her neck, as always nervous that it would slip off and she'd revert to her real form. Sighing she undressed and stepped into the bathtub. The warm water put her at ease; this was one of the things she enjoyed most when in human form she realized wriggling her toes in the warm water. Lidia sighed again and let her long wavy curls float around her, a tinge of bronze in the white foam. A pair of hands stroked her neck and she gasped as they snaked around her until they were stroking her arms. She calmed down when she saw the dull jet black nails that stroked her seductively.

-Hullo, Cali.- said a feminine voice over her shoulder.

The Were dug her nails gently in her long hair and started washing it. Without really meaning to Lidia relaxed a little and let her have her way. It was best when dealing with the Hirrus Were. Like the creature she transformed into, the entirely black Hirrus, unbalanced and unmeasured; Kilaly only had two sides, extreme good and extreme bad. There were no grays, just black and white. Extreme happiness, impulsiveness or passion; overwhelming depression or near-vegetative lethargy ; her best and only friend was as beautiful as she was spontaneous.

After Calidia dressed they walked out into the front of the café. At this time most of the clients were muggles, getting some delicious breakfast before heading off to their respective workplaces, to do the strange things muggles did. Then she saw him; there he was so common place yet so unreal, standing out like only he could. Even by centaur standards he was quite gorgeous, his ears were still a little pointed, even now in human form, she noted with a smile. More than one human female stared at him, more like gawked really. He was graceful in his demeanor, as both centaur and human and he'd adapted to the transformation beautifully.

Her on the other hand...Kilaly held her before she fell atop a human male that didn't seem bothered at all. Even as a centaur Calidia's body hadn't really been the most graceful, more used to fighting and running instead. Even by centaur standards she was a bit small, 'petite' as the humans would call it. Yet for her kin it was more like a sign of malnourishment. In truth, she thought as she sat alone on a little table eating her breakfast, her very existance had been a sign of bad luck.

Auro, one of the best seers of their tribe had read the stars for the chieftain, regarding his future offspring. Delivering the horribly unlucky news that even though his wife would bear three children her last pregnancy would not bear a single child, but two. As fortune would have it one of these calves would die, and its death would signify the end of the treaty they had with the northern clan of Hei'dhan. But for one reason or the other she had survived alongside her twin Devon, even though it was obvious she was the runt.

The tribe was in an uproar, the treaty of course was maintained since her survival was seen by many as an omen...yet that's when the attacks started. The only thing she really liked about this body was the fact she could no longer see most of the scars. She'd lived the last sixty years fighting, against all those who wished to separate from the northern tribe and earn the support of the western tribes that were far more successful in the matters of war. In order to spare her family the trouble she'd become an exile...only her brother said goodbye. Even now that the war was over, even though they all knew she was leaving they made no attempt to stop her... Because, always, it was all written, as clear as the moon in the sky.

-I'll be home a little late, the guys from Gryffindor asked me to stay over. They're gonna have a get together in Neville's house.-

-Harry I'm not your mother. You know that right?- she smiled.

-Yeah, but still if I didn't call you'd smack me as if you were, so I might as well-

-Hmm, good point. See ya tonight!- Lita waved at him grinning.

-Heh, yeah see ya!-

He stared at her fading image upon the small glass surface and waited until his reflection was perfectly clear before he closed the small mirror and placed it back inside his coat. It had been a present, oddly reminiscent of the one Sirius had given him, he remembered fondly. Lita cared for him in the same way his godfather had; made him feel like he had someone to rely on, someone that cared for him whenever and regardless of how stubborn he could be sometimes. He liked that feeling.

He walked over instead of apparating, admiring the carefully tended plants that filled the entrance to this house. He found it strangely pleasing, you could actually feel the love and hard work the ex-Gryffindor put into it. He walked in and was greeted by a smiling Neville that hugged him fondly before showing him inside. The house was simple yet cozy and beautiful. Now that he didn't live with his grandmother you could see his personality flourish, filling all the little corners of his abode unabashedly. Trying to fistfight the Dark Lord changes a person, Harry figured, smiling to himself.

A figure sat cross legged with a plant on their lap and a complex set of glasses that made their head look like some sort of sci-fi cross between a giant bug and a spaceman.

-Hullo Harry, just looking for some Hirrus pixies, wanna try?- She said lifting the glasses off her big doe eyes.

-No, thanks Luna. How you've been?- he asked smiling.

She shrugged -Great, I guess I'm a little busy taking care of my dad and stuff but, you know; you could say I'm being taken care of- she made a head gesture towards Neville that was offering everybody snacks and drinks. Harry nodded, well aware of the overly-attentive nature of the young man, and headed towards the others to greet them. There were jokes about him as always yet he relished in seeing his friends again. Neville took him aside for a while with a cheap excuse about getting more cookies.

The young man showed him into a room quite apart from the others, probably made with magic, he noted. Inside there were thousands of pictures, each in a different frame...all filled with the people they had lost to the war. In some of them he saw his parent's face...and in others Sirius'...Dumbledore had a huge purple and gold frame, topped with a phoenix carving all for himself. From up there he winked and stared at him in that knowing way that seemed to say 'I know everything you've done and even so I still think you're a good person'. There were many pictures with unfamiliar faces, students from Hogwarts and families who had been lost.

Harry couldn't help but smile back at all those people...now gone. His eyes watered a little and he thanked Neville who finally showed him the biggest picture with pride. It was a picture of Neville's parents, during their wedding day...and it was the most beautiful thing Harry had ever seen. Both he and Neville smiled at each other acutely aware that they both had tears in their eyes, yet knowing for sure that they probably found more meaning in this that most other people would.

They went back to the living room like nothing had happened, yet Harry had a sinking feeling when Luna sneaked a handkerchief in his hand...that girl always seemed to notice far more than other people gave her credit for. They sat in the living room reminiscing and time seemed to fly by. As strange as it seems Luna was mindful enough to remind Neville about dinner. The guests looked at each other hoping that Luna hadn't cooked it, seeing as she lived here with Neville and her father since the beginning of the school year. But thankfully this time Neville had managed to use her exotic knowledge and organize it into something far more agreeable with the guests' stomachs.

But once they walked in the dining room Harry couldn't see the food...rising in ornate mountains atop simple platters...He didn't notice the elaborate arrangements made out of fruit, nor the simplicity of the meal itself...he couldn't see anything besides the ornate marble table...

...Because it was the one that he was tied to almost every night...

**To be continued...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the Were character's, the ideas for magic used in the diary and the plot. The world of Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling.**

**Author's note:**

I hope the story is to your liking and easy enough to understand, I tend to write in a weird way and sometimes I fear people won't understand most of it. If anybody has any questions feel free to ask here or send me an email to Best of wishes from Drauph.

+Here's a bit of a summary to the weird characters I made up in hopes you can understand some of their conversations better.

**-"The kidnapper"-**

So far this character is nameless, if you'd like to make a request please send me an email and I can make this character your fav. So far this little piece of work has been harassing Harry in his dreams. Or maybe in reality, who knows? This is the main character besides Harry of course and the reason we have a story at all. This person has tied, roughened up a bit, punched and bitten "the boy who lived". If you wann find out why, the why not keep reading?

About the character itself. They are a decent magic user, may or may not be using an artifact of sorts to enhance their powers and keep our poor college boy Harry guessing. It might be a girl as you'll see in the next few episodes, or maybe not. Harry is still figuring it out so if you have any guesses feel free to give it a shot. The story may include some bondage-y scenes and a few kinky things but so far it won't have a major sex scene, just a bit of torture. There won't be much violence and there will be no real rape, I kinda don't write that. The story will more or less now center on Harry trying to find out who it is, the suspects and the confrontations of each of them. Hope you like this so far and stick around till the end, here are the other characters in case you wanted to know more of them.

**-Lita Ross-**

You've read about her a while now so here's a bit of a stats on her.

She's a Were, meaning she can change into an animal in this case a snow leopard and when human has the appearance of an Irish woman. She has bonded to Harry and a man named Ferguson and is good friends with both. She usually works as a waitress in the Café and is in charge of the living quarters. Her specialty is treating with muggles and annoying wizards, tends to bicker with Ginny Weasley and spends her free time trying to break into a cursed house that is yet to be seen in the story.

**-Kilaly Johnson-**

She's bonded to the centaur Calidia, all the goblin clients in the Café, with a muggle and with Hagrid. Looks a lot like an Asian teenager. Her animal is a monkey like creature called a Hirrus, which have a very intricate and strict society which she escaped when she was in her teens. She is currently 95 years old but appears to be 19. Incredibly strong and a bit bi-polar, likes to sneak into Calidia's room at times. Has a crush on Atreyu but coincidentally he's one of the few males who doesn't pay her much attention. Usually found at the counter or preparing desserts and coffee; is in charge of the attic above the living quarters. 

**-Atreyu-**

Bonded to Firenze and Luna Lovegood. Quiet and stoic, has the appearance of a Native American. Rarely speaks, is actually the closest friend of Firenze and usually gives him advice. Tends to witches, wizards, vampires and sometimes ghosts. Is in charge of the Café's basements. Does heavy lifting and maintenance. Transforms into a Kirin, which is half dragon and half unicorn. No one has since him transform.

**-Aga, Agna, Lady, Mama-**

She is the owner of the Café and leader of the refugee Were creatures that live there. She believes in equality between the races and is known for trading with all sorts of merchants. Little is known about her so far in the story. She lives in the basements of the Café Lune, likes to smoke and is able to know of anything that happens inside her café. Rarely takes anyone to live in the café, so far the only characters known to live there besides the Were are Harry, Calidia and Firenze. She's not bad nor good, but something about her gives off a creepy feeling.

**-Calidia-**

The runt of a pair of centaur twins. Escaped her tribe in order to keep them safe from conflict with their own kind. Now that the war is over she still hasn't returned to her home for reasons that are still unknown. Aga gave both her and Firenze charms that give them human form as long as they wear them but they are both uneasy sometimes about mingling with the humans that also eat in the front part of the Café. Calidia has dark red/brown hair and has her body littered with scars. Though her appearance as a centaur hasn't been described in detail, the mare parts of her body are also covered in many scars. They are the result of many assassination attempts that lead to her exile and current situation, none of the tribes know of her whereabouts as of yet.


End file.
